Tecumseh couple accepts son’s choice of expressing identity

The Boy sat across the table on his father’s knee, a finger in his mouth. “Get your finger out,” his father whispered in his ear.“But I got a loose tooth,” The Boy said, opening wide and demonstrating that it would soon fall out. The Boy, who The Herald will not identify, is a student at Tecumseh Public Schools. He is a typical six-year-old kid, coming home from school, putting away his things before grabbing a Go-Gurt for a snack.While he likes LEGOs and everything about school —particularly reading — he also likes pretty things like skirts and things that are pink. He is gender nonconforming. He doesn’t identify with what society thinks he should like and wear.With any kid that enjoys reading, he has a favorite book, My Princess Boy.It’s his favorite book “Because I feel different from a lot of people, so that when I know that there’s more people like me, it makes me feel better,” said The Boy.It’s about a boy who makes a dress with his mother and then wears it to school.“We don’t define him by what he puts on,” said Michael Miller, The Boy’s father. “It’s very shortsighted and very ignorant to do that to anybody.”At 18 months old, when on a trip to the Disney Store, The Boy took his mother’s hand and led her over to a stuffed Ariel doll. “He wouldn’t let go of her for two weeks,” said Mrs. Miller. Between ages two and three The Boy showed a fondness for skirts and bandanas, wrapping things around him and dressing up in princess dresses whenever his cousins were over. “It was never a big deal in our house,” said Mrs. Miller. “We don’t prohibit that stuff.”Around the age of five, before starting school, The Boy became very vocal about what he liked and wanted to wear, recognizing that his likes and toys were different from that of other boys.When it was time to shop for school, Michael said that they sought help for themselves, not The Boy.“There is nothing wrong with him,” said Michael. “We didn’t say help us with him. We said help us with us. How do we guide him? What language do we use? All the help and support we sought was for us to make sure we were providing the right direction for him.”Mrs. Miller recalled when they were shopping for backpacks and The Boy had picked one out that he said was neutral.“You’re glad he’s aware, but you don’t want that sparkle to disappear,” Mrs. Miller said. He had picked out a hot pink backpack with pastel hearts and a tiny monkey pendent on the front, saying everybody loves monkeys. Michael said that they have struggled with how much to do to prepare him.“You don’t want to make the victim to be a self fulfilling prophecy,” said Michael. “You want to give him confidence.”One of the first support groups the Millers went to had many parents discussing high rates of attempted suicide and drug and alcohol abuse at very early ages. “It’s been proven beyond any shadow of a doubt that forcing these kids into something they’re not, like it is with any other identity you have, could be fatal to them,” said Michael. “We decided very early on to provide him with the tools to cope.”Family members have suggested letting him play with army guys and other, male-oriented toys.“Playing with army guys isn’t going to change who he is,” said Michael. “It’s an outward symbol of what they are, not who they are.”The Boy has no desire to change his name, or pronoun usage, still identifying as a boy. “He wants to be a boy,” said Michael. “He just doesn’t understand why he can’t be a boy and wear leggings and something nice. He doesn’t understand the difference between him and a tomboy.” While the school has been very supportive of The Boy, Miller stressed that they don’t want special treatment.“We don’t want anything,” Michael said. “Leave him alone. Treat him like a normal kid.”